This is for you. Few years ago I got the greatest love letter ever. You’re wondering who it was? Well, it is someone, who is #bymyside forever and today is the day to return this ode.
Self-centered as I am, I never noticed that. Ever since I stepped to this world, you’re there to hold my shit together (literally
). It has never been boring with you, it is never going to be.
We’ve jumped through so many beds, broke them, made other people sleep on them, played tennis underneath the ceiling, badminton outside in the garages, 車国 on the stairs, anxiously played Ridge Racer (and you are still hoping that I don’t win against you), screamed over playgrounds which we always have been to heavy for - we’ve gone through thick and thin. We can’t play rock scissors paper because in 99.9% of the cases we play the same hand. You are the creative one, even though I wished I would be the one. I would’ve never admitted it, but you see it already in all the nicknames you’ve given me and the ones I gave you, it is all reflected in it. We share the same humor, we share the same preferences in cheesy Singstar songs, we share the winning times and you would be there at my highest. Whenever mom and I are fighting again, you are be part of it, because you can’t stand to see me fighting such an alligator - yet it was my fight which I had to go through. Over my entire youth, you saw me growing, inspired me even to pursue some sports when all after school activities contained trash TV in the afternoon. I can count on you to post the stupidest Facebook posts in my account, to make fun out of my lowest primary school time when I was „so unhappy“ and cried the shit out of me and you know how to make me furious. Whenever I didn’t have a smile on my face, you are the person who wants to change this. You said I inspired you to pursue comedy to make the world laugh as you make me laugh, but you could be never successful if I would not be in the audience, because nobody laughs more at your jokes than I do. Just so you know, you do make people laugh even when I’m not there and people love you for who you are.
Just before you graduated from high school, you’ve shown sides which I never thought would be bothering you. I adore you for your bravery and your ignorance to just go through all the challenges you had to face which I did not realize because we never talked about those things. Between us two, there was and always be sunshine. However, life is shading onto us and we do not want to let this shine through to our relationship. There are darker sides of me, right on my window sill which I never want to show you, because I don’t want you to see these shades of me. At the same time, I remember how you were so impressed by how quick I could get a guy in a club, you were completely blown away - just so you know, I might still have it now but I don’t know how much you want to know about that.
As soon as you moved out and started your independence, I thought you changed and you were not the person anymore who I knew all my life. Your voice and physique got stronger, sometimes you’re rough and insensitive. There are times, when I complain about you to someone who both of us know very well, also known as the alligator. You do not know this, but she told me a story from a time before my existence. You were in this park, not more than a year old. There was a child and you were approaching that kid, wanting to play with each other. The mother pulled that kid away and left. She said your face was like a melting ice-cream that time and you were so heartbroken that day. Sometimes I do feel lonely, because I think I am the only one who is going through all this. Yet I never should have felt lonely, because you are there in the world and love me as I am, no matter how awful I am to you or how much I am ignoring you.
For me, you take back your powerful voice and rub my back as I ask you to. In your arms, we dance in my room in circles and in those moments, the world is just alright as it is.
I’m sorry for taking 25 years to only realize that. And thank you for always being #bymyside, even if I am not the most lovable person.
And if you’re still wondering who this person is, I recommend you this read: